Pull Up Painfully to Retrieve It

Dear lawd, my second IVF retrieval was WAAAAAY more painful than the first.  At the scan two days ago, the doctor said it was because of how my left ovary is wedged low next to my uterus?  Uh, ok, doc.  I was like a frazzled raw nerve of pain last night.  I couldn't move.  I could barely make it up the stairs to the bedroom.  I was actually looking forward to the surgery because it might take away the pain.  HA.

When I came to, it felt like my abdomen was split open.  And I puked my guts out, which makes me three for three in the recovery room.  I had asked for the post-op instructions before surgery, but nope.  I got them hunched over a trashcan in a fetal position.  Even then I knew they were wrong.  Sperm donor had no idea what was happening, like usual.  I have been through a diverse rainbow of gynecological pain, and this was the worst.  THIS IS A FREEZE ALL.  Do you people not read the charts?  Keep your progesterone.  I need PAINKILLERS.  They were $30 out of pocket.  Thanks, insurance.

And then I was thinking how colossally unfair this is.  This isn't how I wanted any of this to go.  This isn't how I wanted my baby to be made.  With my sperm donor looking at some gross porn at 7AM, me puking my guts out.  With much needed painkillers.  Not being able to sit up.  And we will probably be out five figures at the end of this anyway.  In a fucking stirrup surgery chair with seven people in the room.  I didn't need a honeymoon in Paris, but god our bed sounded nice.

The anaethesiologist looked just like Dr. McStuffins.   I didn't think that hair was even possible on an adult human.  I would have laughed, but I just didn't care, and it seemed kind of rude to comment on it.  Oh, and I was in so much pain, I didn't care.  It took like five tries to get the IV in my hand, didn't care.  In the meantime, they did some, uh, washing down there.  Like 2 liters of water worth, really getting in those folds.  Where was the water going?  That was weird.  Sorry my laser hair removal was reversed last cycle.  They put some stickers on my chest.  How did they even get to my chest?  I think I was supposed to be out.  And then cold lube and a speculum and then I was gone.

They didn't tell me how many eggs or anything, guess there's nothing I can do about it anyway.  Last time was 29 eggs, and this time doesn't seem any different, except the PAIN.  Maybe they'll call tomorrow.  Not like this is a big deal or anything.

Now, I have some new symptoms.  My shoulders hurt like a mother.  Not like laproscopic hurt, like throbbing.  I can't breathe.  I can't pee.  My ribcage feels tight like I can't breathe all the way in.  And now, I think I am showing signs of the dreaded OHSS.  So here I am drinking Gatorade.  Protein shakes.  Lots of fluids.  I'm done with doctors, I'm done with this.  No way I'm going to the hospital unless I have no choice.

And that brings me full circle to the beauty of the freeze all.  I almost wish I'd done this in the first place.  I chose to beat my body up this badly (again).  But there's no reason I have to also get pregnant in this sad state.  A freeze all takes so much pressure off.  For now, I'm just hoping to pee again.  More Gatorade, please.