Wildly Swinging on Lupron

I've been on Lupron a little over a week, and uh, I don't remember it feeling like this.

Yesterday, I woke up earlier than my sperm donor and I was achy and in pain and he was still asleep.  My thoughts went like this.  God, it hurts, and he is so lazy and always sleeping.  And he hasn't even asked if I'm in pain.  I always have to do everything, I gave myself all my shots this round.  I'm in this all alone, and I'm always bearing the brunt of everything.  I'm going to have to do everything for this baby WTF am I thinking?  My friend is pregnant, everyone has already had their babies, and it's too late for me.  Why did I wait so long?  I'm about to be 33 and we've been at this since we were 29.  I am so pathetic, and he is just sleeping.  And I started sobbing.  Like shaking crying and wailing because I was so angry or something.  Uh.  Yea.  Luckily he is a sound sleeper.

That is why I need to be so mindful of my thoughts on these drugs.  IT'S A TRICK.  It's not real.  Just one day at a time.  My poor hard working sperm donor who can't sleep in a day on his vacation LOL.   And he's been through a lot this year, so has our marriage.  It's just been a lot.  I need to be very mindful of my thoughts.  Just get through today.  Don't beat yourself up, not while on these drugs.

I went to an extremely difficult spin class this morning.  Lupron is a doping drug, remember.  I NAILED IT.  Wow.  Maybe it's all that frustration, or maybe not working out for three days on vacation, but that was awesome and suddenly I feel better.  I feel like I could work out again today, even.   I feel awesome!  Maybe that's what I got right last time, I kept up my workout schedule until stims.

So I packed my schedule with workouts until stims.  Me and Lupron can at least try to get something accomplished if it is going to make me crazy.