Saturday, July 18, 2015

Stim Day #8

God, I'm in pain.  I forgot how bad this feels.  Seriously, whose idea was this?

My poor ovaries are way enlarged, like over 20 eggs again large.  They feel swollen and raw, like exposed nerves.  Like when I move, I risk an electric feeling shooting pain that takes me down immediately.  And they've enlisted my lower back too, so that feels like the worst kind of period cramps all the time.

When my sperm donor stumbled in drunk at 4AM, I couldn't get back to sleep at all.  I was just thinking about how much pain this is.  It just radiated electric pain and dull throbbing pain, sometimes both.

Ovaries this swollen feeling is like wearing shoes two sizes too small.  Maybe if you stay still you don't actively notice, but if you move, it gets even worse.  And it feels like there is a clear solution, TAKE OFF THE SHOES.   MUST TAKE OFF THE SHOES.  But that will take a few days, and I know it gets worse before it gets better.  And this feels worse.  It feels unnatural, dangerous even.  It feels off balance.  It stings with electric, raw nerve pain.  It doesn't feel right.

I accidentally threw away my vial of Lupron yesterday, so I got to dig through a bag of kitchen trash this morning.  Thankfully it wasn't trash day.  Doubled over in pain, going through gross stuff, I was crying again.  This is when you know you are a mother, when you will do anything for this baby (well embryos #10 - #?) including fold your stupidly painful ovaries digging though old yogurt and leftover chinese.  I need a nap.

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