Tuesday, July 14, 2015

Day #4 Stims

Good lawd, can it only be Day #4?  I'm dying here.  I am SO TIRED.  I just hit the wall and took a nap today, I didn't get any of the work done I was supposed to.

My back hurt, and my neck was cramping up.  I went to my massage guy, and it was the best massage I have ever had in my whole life.  It was like all the muscles in my back had tensed up weird like I slept on my whole body wrong.  It was THE BEST.

Driving, I could feel every little bump.  It's been a while since I felt that.  My poor ovaries are clearly doing something, and I can feel them gurgling.  They're doing something to my lower back, almost like period cramps that radiate.  Ugh.

My poor stomach is a Lovenox battleground.  I have spotted bruises all over and hard places from all of these shots.  I'm on four a day now, Lovenox, Lupron, Gonal F, and Menopur.  I've stayed hydrated.  No alcohol.  I am a model patient.

I've gotten better at actively blocking thoughts.  I am not going to beat myself up today.  I am not going to worry about the next steps today.  I am not thinking about the risks of twins today.  I am not thinking about the cost and the fucked up insurance.  I am not thinking about IVF divorces today.  Most importantly, I am not beating myself up for being in this position.  Not today.  For today, just get through today.  And if that means take a nap and get a massage, then do what you have to do, girl.  The to do list will still be there.

1 comment: