Saturday, August 30, 2014

My Birthday - 32

Today is my birthday.  My 32nd birthday.  We started all of this when I was 29 years old, knocked up on the second try, in a three day window between business trips no less!  Oh, to be innocent and ignorant again.

On my 30th birthday, I had to cancel my birthday because I was still reeling from just losing the baby and my tube and you know, almost bleeding out and dying.  I went on a small trip to see a friend a little later.  Last birthday, I was sad but still had a little BBQ with a piñata and it was pretty fun.

This birthday is just giving me the sadz.  This birthday I get hot flashes and nightmares on Femara, and this is the lowest dose I've been on for our minibreak before IVF.  Happy birthday to me!

I am too sad for a birthday.  I am so very sad.  What am I going to do?  Invite all my friends with kids over for more advice?  (You better get on that soon!  Nothing better than having kids!  My sister had her twins at 41!  You want kids, please take mine!!)  Have a party at a bar and do some shots with my 4 childless friends?  I am just too sad for my birthday.  All it means is I am running out of time.  It means I have been fucking with this for way too long.  It's pathetic really.  The whole thing is pathetic.  So, I've canceled my birthday this year.  Kthanks!


  1. Happy Belated Birthday!! And I'm sorry that you had to spend it in such a funk. Infertility sucks and affects so many (if not all) areas of our lives, and suck light out even from events that should be able to fill us with happiness instead of just dread.xx

  2. Sorry you cancelled your birthday. Sorry you had to go through all that crap. So sorry for all of us xx