Thursday, March 5, 2015

When It Rains

Life.  Man.  There's no way to control it.  Like when you get a "spontaneous pregnancy" four days before your next IVF round is approved.

We went out to see my in-laws to tell them the big news: the first gradbaby.  I love my in-laws.  This is something we already did, and it didn't go so well.  But this time I had a scan and blood tests and everything.  The first grandbaby was a big deal to me, and I was thrilled to get to announce it, and I made her a cutesy photo frame that I know she will take to work.   For three years, I have worried that my sperm donor's sister would beat me to it, and it just has to be me who is the first grandbaby after trying for three years.

My sperm donor's sister was there, I'll call her Hermione.  Hermione said she had a dream that she and I were both pregnant and due at Halloween.  Creepy, that's not far off my due date.  Well, is it true?  If it's true you would know by now.  So Hermione took a pregnancy test, and it was faint and positive.  That would put is four days apart.  FOUR DAYS.

I was flooded with emotions.  The whole thing was so absurd after three years, I started laughing.  It turns out she had two chemical pregnancies, so it's been a rough ride for her too.  Wait, it is supposed to be all about me!!!  I was grateful I'll have someone to go through this with.  Wouldn't it be neat to have a cousin so close in age?  I was happy for her.  I was happy for her mom.  Aren't I glad Hermione didn't have to go through the hell of IVF.  We can share those awful family showers and stuff.  Wait, this was supposed to be me me me.  How could Hermione take this from me when it was so hard for me?  Won't my MIL love her baby more than mine?   A lot of thoughts I am working through, some not so pleasant reflections on me.  Some of these thoughts are downright ugly.

I'm still not sure what to think about it.  It's shocking that I have now had two scans and seen a heartbeat, and she just got a blood test and a prenatal Rx and won't get a scan until 8 weeks.  I guess that's the difference between real normal pregnant and my almost normal pregnant.  Life, man.  When it rains, it pours.

1 comment:

  1. Don't let her steal your joy! There are so many others who would love to be in your position, but I know what you mean. You imagine that once you get your time it will be YOUR time.