Tomorrow I have to make a choice about how to get my nine-week embryo, measuring six weeks out of my body after its heart stopped beating. I was hoping this would magically happen overnight, but that didn't happen. My body can't even figure out a miscarriage.
The doctor explained some of this to me last week, but all I remember was the pill or wait and see.
Googling cytotec was a hot mess. I guess sometimes it's like full on labor, and given my doctor's stingy record with painkillers (Tylenol only after 29 eggs harvested!), that is terrifying. Maybe they'll give me good stuff when the baby is just going down the toilet. Some people think cytotec was no big deal, done in a few hours, bam. After my (almost) drug free IVF and recovery from ruptured ectopic, I probably put myself in the latter category with pain tolerance and general pain level in my gentials over the last three years. Especially if they give me good drugs, I'm sure I can deal.
I've got a whole free weekend of no travel and no work. So that would be a fun and convenient schedule block for a miscarriage. I could take all my oxy, bust out some rose, and have a bathroom floor party. I'm telling a joke, but really, this is desperation and sadness. I feel so dark inside, and I hate that I have to make this choice. I had been leaning to waiting it out, but maybe I'd rather just take some oxy and be done with it this weekend rather than get a surprise at the Chipotle bathroom next week and bleed out for a month.
If you have any opinions on cytotec, or any good links, I'd love to see it. Even with all I read, I feel like I am making a totally blind decision.