Thursday, April 23, 2015

Fund My Miscarriage!

Unlike some others, I don't think I'm on board with total TMI openness about infertility and pregnancy loss.  I don't think that coworkers and random relatives and Facebook friends should have to emotionally deal with your reproduction, which is really none of their business.

Which brings me to tonight.  My husband's aunt, yes, that is correct, his aunt, had an 11 week miscarriage like six months ago.  She is in her mid 40s.  She put it all over Facebook, along with the previous one 18 months earlier.  Graphic photos.  The kind I didn't even take, and I could have.  We get it.  You had a miscarriage.  Like everyone else.  So, once a week she or her husband post some stupid quote that by not recognizing loss you don't recognize a person, or something about angel babies.  Some shit like that. Six months later!  I'm trying to get through my shit and see who is on a glamorous vacation, and there's your miscarriage again.  Thanks for the reminder.  They already have four kids BTW.

So, tonight they started a GoFundMe for the six month ago miscarriage to have a funeral and make a headstone.  This will cost $5,000.  Really?  And what has been happening to the fetus since then?  I grossed myself out with that idea.  And what costs $5,000?  Is this headstone encrusted in rubies or something?  Or maybe they also spent $915 on genetic testing and then want a ruby headstone too.

I'm grossed out about this begging for money/attention grab for something this, well, common.  If anyone gets how bad a miscarriage is, it's me.  But this is so common.   15-20% of pregnancies result in miscarriage.  Depending on how you count it, I've had 4.  I got it, I don't need to see it on Facebooks for months.

And I really don't want to see the money grab.  I get that people process loss differently and want to deal with loss differently, but begging for money and attention six months later is WAY past my decorum line.  It makes me cringe.  I'm cool with whatever way you want to deal with a miscarriage, as long as I don't have to hear about on Facebook and you aren't hitting me up for money.  These people have four living kids to deal with.  And I have none.  Blocked.


  1. That is beyond tacky and not to mention pretty creepy. But, the truth is, I know too many of those kind of attention seekers myself. Block, block, block.

  2. The whole "GoFundMe" generation is killing me. I saw someone on Tumblr looking for a vacation cos they didn't feel like waiting until they could save up for it! Are you kidding me?!

    I've been fairly public about our infertility journey, mostly to help raise awareness and get everyone out of the "just relax" mindset they all seem to think infertile people need.But it's my choice. It's not like I posted every squinter or tear over AF on Facebook either. I had a friend who's SIL refused yeast infection treatment while pregnant and the yeast infection eventually ate the placenta and part of the baby (yep, super gross) and she posted a ton of pictures all over Facebook of it. It's a complete attention "poor poor me" kind of situation. Not to mention, it was her own fault and completely preventable (WHO REFUSES TREATMENT FOR A YEAST INFECTION? REALLY?!).

    I mean, your husband's aunt's MC wasn't her fault and I get it's hard and sad. But at some point.. it's a little far. But everyone heals differently too, maybe she needs the funeral to move on.

    Granted, though, I don't think anyone else should have to pay for it.