Saturday, April 18, 2015
Cried for You
So, now she's in her new place, and she just seemed so happy. And I asked her why she wasn't more sad, and she said she felt relief because she should have done it years ago. I never saw her cry, so I asked her if she cried about it at night, and she said no. She said:
I cried for what you've been through, not me.
Wow. My god. Is that right? Has my situation been worse than a Lifetime movie situation of dramatic leaving a lover in secret? Dear god. Even when she said that, I thought she was going to cry. Yea, I think maybe it has been that bad. Yes, I think maybe 0 for 4 has really been that bad. And there is no relief because I don't have a safe apartment to move into.
And suddenly I was so moved that someone else was so touched for me and for my pain that she had cried for me. I was so moved that my pain had been heard, that it had been felt, that I wasn't alone. I was so moved that someone in a very dark chapter in her own life would feel this for me, and would hold my struggle so close to her heart. We had a Steel Magnolias moment right there. As sisters in our vulnerability.
Here I was dealing with her crap to avoid dealing with mine, and she was worried about mine and not hers. That's a true friend. Helping someone felt good, especially when there were actual things I could do to help the situation. Like call the florist or pack a box. I was doing something. There's nobody to call to fix it when you're five weeks out from no heartbeat. And yea, I guess I have been through a lot in the last year, and it just keeps coming. And there's nothing anyone else can do for me except be a friend.