I have been blogging over nine months, and haven't managed to birth anything but a lot of bills. When I started the blog, I was already two years into this process. I thought I would just blog about my then-looming IVF, it was a lot to process. And update Graciela without a bunch of dramatic emails. And blogs were SO helpful in gathering information about IVF. There was no way books or doctors could have told me all of this. After that, I thought this would all be over. HA.
Somehow, even infertiles have managed to lap me. Of the original dozen or so infertility blogs I had on my reader, like all but a couple are now pregnant. Ouch. BFP after BFP, they all left the barren club. I mean, I guess that's good, modern science and all. I should be hopeful?
There's nothing worse than an infertility blog bitching about how to rent a breast pump. The shit I hear at all baby showers in real life. How sad for you. If I ever manage to stay pregnant, I hope everyone has to
unsubscribe because I'm a smug pregnant woman too. I was feeling so alone. The cheese stands alone.
Even my infertility sisters are all pregnant, and I'm still here. My
first baby should have been over two years old. Has it really been over
three years? Will it really be 2016??? My god. Am I the only one
still stuck here?
And then I checked my email. And I saw those messages from women who have never met me and don't even know my name. You know who you are. You took the time to write a complete stranger with love after my miscarriage. And then I went back and read those comments. I was just writing into the universe. I was just writing those awful feelings down because I had nothing else to do with them. Feelings of being lost, being not good enough, giving up.
I never expected those words could give me back the love I needed. I am so touched by the love and the kindness of strangers. I can feel it. It is very real, something I would have laughed at before this blog. I never thought the words of strangers could mean so much. Words are so powerful. So, thank you. Thank you for your words. Thank you.