Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Failure and Fear IVF

I have one friend I met at the clinic.  That waiting room is brutal, and you feel like either you or the person next to you will break into tears if you make eye contact.   But somehow, in my five million visits, I made a friend who's about my age, lives around the corner from me and obviously has a lot in common with me.  The first time we met up, we finished up a bottle of vinho verde and we got each other.

After I didn't hear from her after I knew she had a retrieval, she texted that her IVF had failed.  My heart just sank.

She's 31!!!  How can her IVF fail?  FAIL?  Like just fail?   Honestly, this hadn't occurred to me as an outcome.  I thought you'd at least bank some in the freezer and one of those would take eventually.  She's younger than me but has ovulation issues and touch of male factor.  I think she might have some PCOS stuff that I know nothing about.  But she's younger than me, at the same office (though different doctor) and it FAILED.  She said it was too conservative.  I have no idea what that means.

She's now got some serious crazy talk going on involving traveling to Denver to CCRM and changing clinics, and hating the lab, and so on.  My heart is just breaking for her.  But it's also filling me with fear.  It was enough to make me do some research on CCRM as well.  And I'll be in Denver anyway in a few weeks....

This is crazy, but I actually looked into this.
 For starters, they don't take my insurance, and I have like 15K to blow first, so I plan to do that locally, but I have to say that I am now thinking about it.  Oh god, am I already thinking about the next cycle when the cycle I haven't even started yet fails???  WTF?

This place I'm going to now doesn't have the best stats in town for women under 35, they're about average.  We do have better stats in town, but it's impossible to know what means anything.  Now I'm not sure how I picked this doctor at all.  I know more about my fucking dishwasher.  I'm so frustrated.  I know this clinic takes on a lot of tough cases, and I know I am not one of those cases (I hope) as I just have wonky tubes.  I'm the dream patient, right?  I don't need CCRM right?

1 comment:

  1. I've thought about CCRM, too. I don't know if they take my insurance or anything else but I do know my insurance pays for 4 IVF's and I may not be willing to use them all at one clinic.

    If CCRM accepted my insurance, I'd think much more seriously about going there.

    I thought I was the dream patient, too (albeit, a bit overweight). A history of getting pregnant the first try (even over 34), healthy kids (second born was a freak accident) and no MFI at all.

    Of course, I'm several years older than you. I'm not sure there is a dream patient. Just a few flukes who walk in and get pregnant with their first IUI.

    Oh, how I wish.