A Pap, Back to the OB

Before starting IVF, the doctor gave me a list of stuff to do that I can't do during IVF or pregnancy.  I need a first time "baseline" mammogram because of my family health issues.  I need to get dental x-rays.  And I need a pap smear...  This should be a fun couple days!

I haven't been to my OB since following up after surgery.  Has it been over a year???  So, I had to go back there and get a pap smear.  Oh boy.

The second I was back there, with a million teenage pregnant moms and ill-behaved toddlers screaming all over the lobby in eight languages, I started to panic.  It all came back to me.  Waiting in that very room, for over an hour just like this time with the same teen moms and toddlers, I had written a journal entry saying goodbye to my baby.  I had cried there before.

The actual pap was no big deal.  Stirrups are no big deal at this point, it was like nothing.  I can't believe I used to consider a pap yucky or uncomfortable or something.

The doctor, though, was very interested.  I've gone to him for a million years, he's the only doctor I actually have a relationship with.  He even gave me his cell phone to text him when I was pregnant, which I used only once, after it was over.  He wanted to know everything about my RE, he wanted to know why he hadn't seen me.  I couldn't even get the words out, I was so upset and crying.  I could feel my blood pressure going up.

He had a lot of opinions about IUI and IVF, doesn't everyone.  What I gathered is that he was baffled why it got this far and why nothing has worked.  He seemed optimistic about IVF.  He wanted to see me more.  I don't know.  It was a very confusing appointment.  He was impressed at the 20 lbs I've lost since the pregnancy, and I was too, considering how many drugs I've been on so long.  So I'll take that silver lining.