Before starting IVF, the doctor gave me a list of stuff to do that I can't do during IVF or pregnancy. I need a first time "baseline" mammogram because of my family health issues. I need to get dental x-rays. And I need a pap smear... This should be a fun couple days!
I haven't been to my OB since following up after surgery. Has it been over a year??? So, I had to go back there and get a pap smear. Oh boy.
The second I was back there, with a million teenage pregnant moms and ill-behaved toddlers screaming all over the lobby in eight languages, I started to panic. It all came back to me. Waiting in that very room, for over an hour just like this time with the same teen moms and toddlers, I had written a journal entry saying goodbye to my baby. I had cried there before.
The actual pap was no big deal. Stirrups are no big deal at this point, it was like nothing. I can't believe I used to consider a pap yucky or uncomfortable or something.
The doctor, though, was very interested. I've gone to him for a million years, he's the only doctor I actually have a relationship with. He even gave me his cell phone to text him when I was pregnant, which I used only once, after it was over. He wanted to know everything about my RE, he wanted to know why he hadn't seen me. I couldn't even get the words out, I was so upset and crying. I could feel my blood pressure going up.
He had a lot of opinions about IUI and IVF, doesn't everyone. What I gathered is that he was baffled why it got this far and why nothing has worked. He seemed optimistic about IVF. He wanted to see me more. I don't know. It was a very confusing appointment. He was impressed at the 20 lbs I've lost since the pregnancy, and I was too, considering how many drugs I've been on so long. So I'll take that silver lining.