Monday, May 18, 2015

Fresh? Frozen?

Here I am nine months after I started my IVF journey.  And I'm back at my original dilemma from my WTF appointment.  Two weeks to decide.  Fresh.  Frozen.  No idea.

I have five embryos in the freezer.  Great ones, actually.  Of course, I have now had four great embryos that have all died one way or another.  So, yea.  I live in the worst case scenario, in the failure category.  I can't wrap my head around FET working.  Nothing has worked, after all.

It makes me feel better to stock the freezer.  That maybe with 12 embryos or something, one has to eventually work.  Maybe I'll have to get a surrogate or something, but surely one of them would work right?

My sperm donor is not very cooperative.  His current gig involves a ton of shitty travel.  And he chose that on purpose.  This time around, I'd have to do shots myself.  Scans myself.  Do it all myself.  That's not too different than last time, I guess, except the shots.  He did almost all the shots last time.  After all this time, the shots still skeeve me out.  Hell, if I did a FET, he wouldn't even have to come home.

Just writing this out is overwhelming.  I feel like I need a break.  I went to two baby showers in the last week that I couldn't possibly skip.  Torture.  I took a flask.

I don't know what to do.  Fresh IVF was physically demanding, and a complete hormonal mindfuck when it failed.  I get why people give up now.  I get it.


  1. My advice is to go frozen this time. Especially given all you'd have to go through for a fresh retrieval. With SD not completely on board, this gives you the opportunity to let him off the hook this time around and maybe get himself in a better head space.

    And FET's do work every single day. While you've had no luck yet, it doesn't mean you won't be one of those "every single day" women.

    Good luck!

    1. I could also wait a month and then do frozen. I'm thinking two weeks is not enough time to decide.

    2. That's extremely level headed and patient of you. Two weeks is quick and a month might put you and SD on the same page.

  2. I would definitely go FET! Every doctor I've talked to has told me that FETs are as good as fresh cycles, and sometimes even better with newer techniques. If it works (and I sincerely hope it does!) you wouldn't have to put yourself through a fresh cycle, and it gives your SD a chance to recuperate (although if you're the one doing all of the "work" it seems like YOU deserve recuperation more).

  3. I would do frozen this time around. You can always do fresh later if you need to but after everything, you deserve a break from as much of it as you can. It may not hurt to take a cycle off to heal as well, but that wouldn't be necessary.

    The FET would give you both a break without actually taking one and be less invasive.