Here I am nine months after I started my IVF journey. And I'm back at my original dilemma from my WTF appointment. Two weeks to decide. Fresh. Frozen. No idea.
I have five embryos in the freezer. Great ones, actually. Of course, I have now had four great embryos that have all died one way or another. So, yea. I live in the worst case scenario, in the failure category. I can't wrap my head around FET working. Nothing has worked, after all.
It makes me feel better to stock the freezer. That maybe with 12 embryos or something, one has to eventually work. Maybe I'll have to get a surrogate or something, but surely one of them would work right?
My sperm donor is not very cooperative. His current gig involves a ton of shitty travel. And he chose that on purpose. This time around, I'd have to do shots myself. Scans myself. Do it all myself. That's not too different than last time, I guess, except the shots. He did almost all the shots last time. After all this time, the shots still skeeve me out. Hell, if I did a FET, he wouldn't even have to come home.
Just writing this out is overwhelming. I feel like I need a break. I went to two baby showers in the last week that I couldn't possibly skip. Torture. I took a flask.
I don't know what to do. Fresh IVF was physically demanding, and a complete hormonal mindfuck when it failed. I get why people give up now. I get it.