I knew it was just a question of time. I can't bring myself to Google how pregnant I should be, 16 weeks? 18? Three years? My SIL Hermione changed her Facebook profile picture to some photo of pickles and ice cream and confirmed it. November. She's pregnant. With my due date.And so everyone and their dog is posting, reposting. Great-Grandma is flying in. Auntie is flying in. Someone is knitting. Someone is sending a bunch of clothes. Already, they know she's going to be the best mom. MIL posting about so excited to be a grandma. She's having the first grandbaby, and I've got nothing. How stupid was I for ever thinking anything would be normal. Nothing will ever be normal again.
And the cheese stands alone.
Right there with you. It's so very hard. Why is EVERYONE pregnant but me? My very last girlfirend on the planet who doesn't have kids called me this morning to tell me she is 13 weeks pregnant. She was wonderful about it and I so appreciate how sensitive she was to what I'm going through. And I am happy for her. But damnit why isn't it me? I held it together pretty well during the conversation. My voice only cracked twice. But then my best friend text me and said that my newly pregnant friend called her bawling when we got off the phone. Ugh. I hate that I've taken away some of her joy and I hate even more how jealous and bitter I am. It is just so unfair.
ReplyDeleteYea, I'd rather just have a text than an awkward phone call. Then I can ugly cry on my own. I'm not great at faking it lately.
DeleteSending you hugs hun. It's not fair - there is no rhyme or reason why some people get pregnant and stay pregnant, and others struggle every step of the way. I wish we didn't have to go through this.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't wish this feeling on anyone.
Deletebig hugs, friend. You don't deserve this and it honestly breaks my heart you're going through it.
ReplyDeleteHappy Mother's Day to me!!!
DeleteI'm so sorry I'm late, and for your loss. My SIL was due (and has since had her baby) the week my little one was due, and it was a LONG year of her being pregnant while I wasn't, and should have been. :(
ReplyDelete