Friday, July 18, 2014

I'm not OK

More shots.  More scans.  Another trip to the doctor.  But mostly I just feel alone.  I screamed in my car when I left.  I don't have anyone to call.  Nobody fucking gets it.  Even my one friend who went through this just dropped off the planet.

What I want more than anything is someone just to call or text or email or something to ask me if I'm OK.  Because I'm not OK.  I'm not OK.  I'm in so much pain, and it shows no sign of stopping.  I keep fucking up all of the cycles, and I don't know if this is ever going to work.  I feel like I'm in a constant state of grief.  And no one even calls to see if I'm fucking OK.

I'm not OK.  My own fucking sister called to get something from me and I tried to reach out to her.  She wanted to talk about numbers and statistics about the science, oh and that thing she needs.  I'm not OK.

A good friend didn't even respond to the text that I was having a rough time.  I'm not OK.  I'm doubled over in physical and emotional pain and no one gives a shit.  I am so alone, and I'm not OK.

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