Thursday, March 10, 2016

Evolving Thoughts on Adoption

From since I was a teenager, I always thought I would adopt.  Ethiopia, specifically.  But I also thought I would never get married, be a bad ass career woman who jets between cities out of a suitcase, and never have children, so there was that.

When we started this journey in 2012, Sperm Donor wanted a biological child.  That was how he felt, and that was that.  For four years I have fought nature, science, God, and time to make this work.  Maybe this isn't the correct path.

Both of our families are full of screw ups and morons.  We are the most successful on either side, by a long shot.  It's clearly not our genetics.  We're not particularly good looking, we don't have the greatest health.  Why are we holding onto this idea?  We are at a complete impasse over whether to use two or one perfect, genetically tested embryos, and THIS DOESN'T FEEL RIGHT.

I was inspired by Zero to Zygote and I sat down with my Sperm Donor and we had a real, serious conversation.  We haven't done this in a long time, generally agreeing infertility just isn't there.  But maybe this is stupid.  Even if we do ever manage to have a living biological kid, there's no guarantee that kid will be like us, instead of the rest of our screw up families.  We are interracial anyway, so this kid could never look like either of us.  Any kid we introduce to our family will be in an interracial situation in a superdiverse city.  I think we agreed.

We have resources.  We have a nice house, a fat college fund for this kid, a huge, loving, megadiverse extended family.  We can afford to send this kid to one of the best schools in the nation, and we can get this kid in.  (I've been working on that one since before I started trying.)  We both went to mediocre public schools, but our kid doesn't have to.  We have legacy at three elite universities between us.   Maybe there's a kid out there who needs that?  Maybe there's some whip smart kid who is about to fall through the cracks, and when they see that kid, they will know where to send that kid?

I made an appointment for the information seminar about CPS placements.  Hopefully, I can find someone to talk to about this idea.

Maybe this is an incredibly naive view of adoption.  Maybe I'll get laughed out.  Maybe you don't get to pick the features you want, like a used car.  Maybe adoption from sad child abuse situations isn't focused on college legacy admissions.  But I care about one thing, my kid being smart as hell.  That's all I want.  We can work through anything else.  I don't care what color that kid is, I don't care boy or girl.  If I got a crazy smart three year old, I know I could take that kid to the next level.  Maybe CPS needs us?

1 comment:

  1. Adoption is a beautiful thing. We were looking heavily into adoption about a year ago before our circumstances changed and if I could I would have still adopted the boy we were looking at but we are not currently able to meet his needs. I came across a quote I carry with me often when I think about adoption and I hope we will be able to adopt one day. "I may not have given you the gift of life but life gave me the gift of you"