Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Unicorn Exuberance

A unicorn is that infertile you've heard about a million times.  Pregnant days after filling out adoption paperwork.  Pregnant after four failed rounds of IVF naturally.  HAR HAR. I certainly never thought I would be a unicorn.  After failure after failure, I never let myself believe that, except maybe that moment I let myself believe that IVF would work.  Then there was this morning.

I TESTED POSITIVE.   I took four Wondfos, and they were all squinters.  I am now something resembling pregnant. WTF WTF WTF.

We were in our mandatory break before the next IVF cycle.  I just submitted War and Peace for the insurance IVF preapproval.  It hadn't used OPKs or anything.  This was so bad I didn't even know when my last period was, I had to figure it out from a flight and when I bought tampons at a small town CVS in rural Michigan.

This had to have happened in a Day 9-Day 12 romp on a couch in Chelsea, LOL.  It's the only time I was even around my sperm source.

My sperm source is keeping a lid on the irrational exhuberance.  After my traumatic ruptured ectopic and the chemical pregnancy from IVF, we've been down this road before, and it hasn't gone so well.  I hate that infertility has taken the jump up and down, TV commercial screaming joy from a positive pee stick from me.  I hate that when I showed my sperm source a positive test, he asked when the bloodwork would be so I don't die.  I hate that this journey has taken the joy out of the one thing I wanted the most.

I also hate that I CANT TELL ANYONE.  ARRRRRGGGGGG.  My mother in law, my BFF.  I want to tell them so bad, but I need to just wait a few days.  I need to be more sure.

Life always throws you what you weren't expecting.  It's been THREE YEARS and tens of thousands at this, and to get pregnant on a sofa on Day 12 without even using OPKs is just so ironic I can't stand it.  And somehow such a perfect ending for all I've been through.  I hope I get my perfect ending to this journey now.

UPDATE:  My Beta #1, one day after my missed period, was 56.  Completely normal.  I went to my car and started crying from joy.  It has been over three years waiting for this.  Three years waiting for this call.  I am so full of gratitude to be here.


  1. Good luck! I'm rooting for a good outcome!

  2. I hope so very much this is your THB and you become a member of the Unicorn "club".
    I never thought I'd be a Unicorn either yet, here I am.

  3. I am a fairly new reader but I am wishing you cautious congrats!

  4. Congrats! This is so exciting! I kind of hate you because I wish I could be a unicorn. Just kidding! I have been anxiously awaiting a new blog post from you.

  5. Congratulations! Unicorns are rare and beautiful. I really hope that you can soon tell the whole world, and I look forward to reading about your progress.

  6. OMGGGGGGGGGGG. I just replied to your comment, and I had a feeling as I did so that I needed to check in with you. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKK I'm soooo freaking happy for you!! And I LOVE unicorns!!!!