I'm generally sick of infertility on TV. It pops up where I don't want it, like Into The Woods being based on some desperate baker's wife to get pregnant, or an ectopic being a dramatic medical complication on Gray's Anatomy or a miscarriage neatly tying up a Big Love plotline.
But I just watched the second season of Transparent on Amazon, and O.M.G. This has spoilers, so if you haven't seen it, go watch it. This post will wait. Just go watch it, if you can handle VERY adult content and a show that tries to make you uncomfortable whenever it can. SPOILER ALERT. I stayed up all night watching this season. This show is about gender identity and graphic sex, so a sensitive portrayal of loss wasn't what I was expecting.
This miscarriage was dead on. The ultrasound tech, "let me get the doctor," the look on her face, and I felt that feeling that can't be described. Vomiting on the floor at crossfit, get that one too. Running off the road and having a panic attack. Insisting we get pregnant RIGHT NOW. The ticking clock. Insisting we take a minute to "breathe." Wanting to do it "right." Wailing at a public event and blaming some stupid shit for killing the baby. Screaming in grief. Narcissistically blaming myself. Blaming the evil eye. Strangers looking uncomfortably, not sure what to say. Your own sister completely useless in your grief. O.M.G. Done all that.
I've done and said and felt all those things from all those characters. Well, not eating lunch meat at the grocery store, that's gross haha. When he vomited on the floor at Crossfit, I was already crying. I was so moved by this portrayal of miscarriage and for all the reactions it brings out. So moved. Got no sleep. This one was exactly right.