Sunday, January 17, 2016

Facebook Floods

Two babies born last week, and that makes everyone.  Everyone but me.

I lived with the same five girls for most of college.  Our last year, we all bet who of the six of us would get married/have kids first.  The bet was always on me to be last, but I don't think anyone imagined it going like this.  The last of the five had a baby last week.  She must have been in the freaking car home from the hospital and had already posted a bunch of political shit about maternity leave and complained about whatever breastfeeding details people with healthy babies complain about.

And my friend from grad school.  The one who never called back after I almost got taken out by my first pregnancy in 2012.  She had her baby last week.  I'm sure she's already in size 4 jeans ago, because that's how life goes for her.

I need to stop checking Facebook.  It just makes me feel even more alone.  How can everyone be so UNGRATEFUL for their babies?  Why does everyone just kvetch all the time?  And I am left behind.  No shock there.

In 2016, I am facing reality.  I don't feel like this is my year.  I think I have finally wrapped my brain around that this might never happen to me.  I might lose a few more babies, it might kill my marriage, my sex life, my vacation schedule, I don't know.  There's not much left for infertility to take.  I can't feel it for 2016.  I'm not sure I can feel it at all.  Maybe this is just not meant to be.


  1. I hate it when people say this, so I hate that I am the one saying it to you but that is exactly how I felt at the beginning of 2015. I set a deadline. I told my husband if we were pregnant by the end of the summer I was done, we were done trying because I couldn't take it anymore. And then here we are. I reiterate, I hate that I'm even saying it but I'm saying it because just because it feels hopeless doesn't always mean it is. <3

  2. I feel you, the people complaining about their kids drive me crazy! The worst is people who have been through infertility, and know what I'm going through right now, and they never stop complaining about their babies.

  3. I definitely had to take a break more than once from Facebook for my own sanity. The shit people complain about is completely mind blowing. I'm so sensitive to my posts because I will never forget all of those terrible feelings for all of those years.

    I completely understand where you are at right now. I've been there. And whatever you decide to do it's okay. I"m not going to sit here and tell you to never give up hope and to keep trying because there are no guarentees and everyone has a different threshold for this awful pain. What I will tell you is I get it, you are not alone. Thinking about you.