Merry Christmas

Could have been worse, I guess.

My family barely talked to each other, like usual.  We talked about the weather and work, like usual.

His family was so far away.  His cousins all know but don't give a shit.  I used the trowel in the tamale assembly line.  Using a trowel is controversial, so they gave it to me because I have no strong opinions about tamale construction.  That was kind of fun, and I thought the trowel worked better.  Bisabuela wasn't there.  There was hot chocolate, yay, instead of being stuck with that gross guava drink.

A cousin announced a pregnancy with her 50 year old boyfriend.  This year, he had custody of the 15 year old, who was about to blow a vein with this joyous news.  There was Hermione's baby and Fancypants's baby.  There also seemed to be a lot more toddlers, just a ton of people.  So many people, and no one said shit.  We talked about the weather and work.  And it was fine.  I mean, I'm not sure why I spend time with these people.  There are so many of them and I don't even know their names, but whatever, it's a few hours at Christmas, and Sperm Donor has always been the golden child and they like it when he comes back once a year, and maybe an Easter here or there.

Christmas dinner with just Sperm Donor, his parents, and his siblings was going well.  Of course, all we talked about was the baby, is there anything else people talk about?  But then the drinks started flowing...  Hermione's husband, I'll call him Harry, is not very likable, and he's the guy who will sit in the corner with the phone.  I guess someone at the big gathering had asked him how long they were trying (WTF?) and here we go with the bragging.  Sitting right next to his sister in law, and he knew about at least two losses.

Hermione's baby was an accident, and they didn't even want kids.  And HAR HAR he shouldn't have been surprised because Harry's other two kids (with two different women) were surprises.  Harry was a surprise, hell, I even heard Sperm Donor was a surprise, and then I just cut him off.  I didn't want the rest of the story, I didn't need his punchline.  Mid-sentence, I screamed over him WHAT A FUNNY STORY in the most obvious sarcastic tone that even he would understand.  And I pulled a straight diva move and went into the same back room to cry again.  Sperm Donor was pissed and told everyone we were leaving.  He took my side this time, I was pleased with that.

In the back room, I cried.  I cried for Christmas AGAIN.  I cried for everyone pregnant, I cried for everyone having what I can't have.  I cried for all the dead babies.  I cried for the frozen babies that we can't decide to even unfreeze.  Then I made a big mistake, I checked Facebook.  Everyone is either pregnant or posting pictures of their kids.  Merry Christmas to me.

I calmed down, we went back to Christmas and watched a football game.  And we talked about the weather, work, and football.   Like usual.